


Prayers and Secrets

by wakemeup



Category: USWNT - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-22
Updated: 2013-06-22
Packaged: 2017-12-15 19:26:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/853186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakemeup/pseuds/wakemeup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Secrets are never fun. Tobin struggles with this one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It's hard.  Dating someone in secret is just always a really difficult thing, especially when the girl you're dating is one of the most beautiful and intelligent girls you think you'll ever have the pleasure of knowing. You can't really be mad about it though, you’re the one who practically made it this way.

 

"Tobin!" Cheney snaps her fingers in front of your face loudly her face slightly amused. "Yeah, sorry!" You beam your signature cool smile hoping it'll come off as 'chill' as it always does.

 

"Tobs you were zoned out for like ten minutes there. I know I'm boring sometimes, but you don't need to pray to God or anything, jeez!" She's chuckling by the time she finishes what she's saying because of that one time where you actually DID start pretending to pray to God for her to stop talking. "Sorry, dude! I totally spaced." You reply with a chuckle of your own.

 

"Are we gonna walk around the village or what? We haven't been here at all! We should definitely see if we can run into Michael Phelps or some of the Fierce Five!" Cheney's always been a little bit hyper. Lauren Cheney has been your best friend for a long time now. Ever since she and A-Rod had joined the team as the 'new kids' you've been tight.

 

"For sure, dude." You smile because really this is a great chance to get your mind off of everything. You throw on some sweats and grab a beanie and head towards the door of the room you and Cheney share. Cheney grabs your wrist before you can open the door though so you spin around and face her wondering what could be wrong.

 

“Hey, Tobby, you know you can tell me anything right?” Oh man. There it is. You’re suddenly hit with a large amount of guilt and hopelessness. You’re not even mad that she called you Tobby. This is your best friend, your buddy, your roomie, your fellow ‘new kid.’ She knows you just like you know here and she’s probably known something has been up for awhile now. What do you say? “I know.” You manage to mumble out. You open the door slowly and stall a bit. You’ve been hiding your relationship with Alex freaking Morgan with her for a little over 6 months now.

 

She gives you a small smile then basically tackles you out the door in a hug. This is why you’re best friends. She gets you and never pushes too hard.  Maybe you should tell her. God knows you’ve been dying to tell someone about your amazing, goal scoring, baby horse girlfriend since you started dating.

 

“Dude can we stop by Alex’s room before we go? I need to grab something from her.”

\----------------------------------

 

You ask Cheney to wait outside as you knock on the door, telling her it’ll just be a quick moment and praying that Syd is out of the room. There’s some shuffling around inside the room before you hear footsteps and then a click before the door is being swung open.

 

“Hey Tobs!” Alex is beaming. God, that’s gorgeous smile you love. “Hey, can I grab something? I think I left it here yesterday...” You trail off hoping that Alex just gets it. Thankfully she does and lets you in looking at Cheney and saying a quick hello before shutting the door softly.

 

You turn around slowly and smile at your girl. She approaches you and wraps her arms around your neck before giving you a small peck. “Hey I gotta be quick, but I know we talked about not telling anyone about...well us, but it’s been like 6 months and...” You lift your arm up and off her waist to scratch your head and look at her pausing for a second to figure out the words to say what you’re thinking properly. “can I talk to Cheney?” woooosh. Breathe, this is Alex, she rarely ever gets mad about anything. You’re chill, she’s chill. They make a pretty chill couple. You’ve never really even fought about this with her; after all, it was  a mutual decision.  

 

Alex blinks a couple times and smiles again. “Babe, yeah. I thought you had already told Lauren because I told Syd.” What. That’s new information. Alex is playing with the hairs on the back of your neck and she’s looking at you with her big eyes and her bright smile. “Tobs, look, the last time we talked about this was like four months ago. Trainings taken up most of our time and---”

There’s banging on the door. “TOBIN HEATH LET’S GO!” Cheney always knew how to raise her voice.

 

Alex laughs her loud contagious laugh and tells me that we can talk when I get back. She kisses me soft and slow and shoves me towards the door before Cheney can knock it down. Before I open the door I stick my tongue out at her. Alex laughs again and throws a pillow at me. “TOBBY GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE.”

  
“I’M COMING.” I shout back as I open the door to Cheney yelling in my face about delaying her opportunity to meet other olympians. I shut Alex’s door and start walking down the hall with Cheney buzzing next to me. I begin to think of how to explain to my best friend about how I’ve been lying for the past 6 months. Yikes.


	2. Chapter 2

Alex threw herself back onto her bed after Tobin left the room. She can’t help but think that that visit was incredibly random. Well, maybe not. Sometimes she just can’t figure things out, especially when that ‘thing’ is Tobin Powell Heath. Alex may be the more girly one in the relationship, but that goes just as far as looks because feelings? Feelings are just complicated.

 

Put Alex on a field. That’s her home, that’s where she thrives. It’s where everything, but the game and the adrenaline fall away. The only thing she feels is whatever is happening in that moment. That being said, despite her relationship with Tobin going into it’s 6 or so months, it’s still relatively new. It’s rare that they’d get time off to just hang out or go on a date. The most they’ve done is hold hands on the bus and cuddle a bit and don’t get her wrong, she’s so thankful for even getting that, but training for the olympics is hard. Well, duh.

 

Alex shakes her head as if it would shake all the thoughts out as well. About four months ago when Tobin and Alex had last spoken about their relationship, they had almost fought. Almost because Alex is pretty sure that if they had actually fought they wouldn’t be dating anymore. She frowns at the thought. She doesn’t like thinking about that day too often. It’s emotional in a rollercoaster sort of way.

 

They had been in Japan. Pressure was beginning to build up with the Olympics approaching and the team had seemed to be taking that pressure with grace. Well actually, when Alex thinks about it, this team thrives off of the pressure.

 

Anyways, Alex and Tobin had wandered off together on their day off in Tokyo. Trying to get some time alone before things got too out of hand. Alex remembers Tobin’s smile and the way that Tobin dragged her off the street and into a small noodle shop. She smiles because that’s probably the day she realized how far gone she already was for the midfielder. Tobin had spent the day dragging Alex into places to eat and holding her hand as they did everything. She remembers this one instance when they were hiking up to see one of the temples when Tobin just stops her mid stride and tugs her arm back a bit which threw Alex off balance and into Tobin’s arms. Tobin just looks at her and holds her there for awhile because the sun is setting. She remembers asking Tobin why later and her girlfriend just casually responded with, “what better way to watch the day turn to night than with the girl you love right there with you.”

 

This isn’t why she doesn’t like thinking about that day. It’s later, on the way back to the hotel, when the bad sort of emotion settles into the space that had previously been nothing but happiness. As Alex holds Tobin’s hand in hers she remembers thinking that it was nice, being able to hold Tobin’s hand and kiss in public. It was more than nice actually, it was normal. It was the normal that she felt they would probably need with the Olympics and the intense training that was about to get even harder and more time consuming than ever before.

 

Normal was all she was trying to ask for, but it doesn’t come out that way when she tries to bring it up. It’s more of a “Let’s go public.” And Tobin’s always so laid back that she doesn’t really expect the blank look she receives in response to it. Tobin just sort of keeps them walking and looks at her occasionally, but ultimately has this contemplative look on.

 

At that point Alex is pretty much really freaking nervous because she hasn’t said anything at all and this is her girlfriend and she had just realized how far gone she is for her and what she really remembers is starting to ramble about the team and how Megan’s already out and then being cut off by Tobin.

 

Tobin just sort of stops walking altogether and then Alex notice she’s been fiddling with her tiny gold cross necklace. ‘Oh’ is what Alex said out loud eyes glued to the necklace and nothing running through her head besides ‘fuck.’ Because maybe she pushed a bit too hard and maybe this wasn’t the right time. Tobin had sort of stared at her for a moment and then it seems like she pushes out the words “I don’t know how...” and Alex doesn’t really know what was supposed to be said next because Tobin is struggling to say whatever it is that’s stopping her from being open about them. Next thing she remembers is them just walking back in silence and going their separate ways.

 

Alex has gone through that night so many times in her head that she wasn’t really able to hold it to herself anymore. It never really came up again because they’ve just been so busy. So Alex talks to Syd of course.

 

When Alex does tell Syd everything it’s a bit of an anti climactic event. Well, sort of. Syd’s ecstatic if only slightly confused. Syd kind of jump tackles Alex from her side of the room. Syd’s happy cause she can tell how happy Alex is when she talk about Tobin. Syd’s only confused because one moment Alex was dating Servando and then Alex had secretly been dating Tobs for like three months. Alex ends up explaining to her that it wasn’t really expected and that becoming Tobin’s girlfriend just sort of happened and that ends up being the anticlimactic part. Syd was looking for some super romantic story. However, Alex does end up telling Syd about the night in Tokyo. From then on it was pretty much all squeals and giggles until they fall asleep and Alex is floating on cloud 9. Alex never does get around to telling Syd about why they aren’t really out.

 

Alex rolls over and looks at the clock on her nightstand. in red it reads 10:46. She’s been laying in bed reminiscing for almost two hours now. The striker slowly rolls over till she can get her legs hanging off the bed. She gets up slowly and lazily picks her phone up from its place on the other side of the room.

 

She’s got two missed text messages. One from ‘Tobs<3’ and another from ‘Sydthekid.’ Alex reads the one from Syd first since it was the most recent. ‘Hey roomie, be back round 11...I forgot my room key. :P’ Alex snorts and replies with ‘I’m not letting you in!’ knowing that Syd will know she’s only kidding. She opens up the text from Tobin next that was from about an hour or so ago. ‘Babe, we should really talk soon. Miss you. PS Cheney is really really loud tonight, HALP.’ Alex doesn’t know how to feel about that text because ‘we should really talk’ don’t ever seem like a good thing, but the ‘miss you’ just makes her really happy. Shit. This is what she means when she says she doesn’t really do feelings, but maybe tonight's the night to talk to Syd about all of this because sooner or later it’s going to start throwing off her game.

\----------------------------------

 

“ALEX, PLEASE OPEN THE DOOOOOOR!” Syd had been knocking for two minutes or so by now, but Alex just wanted to torture her for a bit for forgetting her room key, again. “ALEX I’LL CAUSE A SCENE.” Alex ends up running towards the door and swinging it open because Syd would do something like that and she doesn’t want to risk it. “Honey, I’m home!” Syd ends up saying while Alex laughs at her teammates antics. They hug because this is just how they are.

 

“Alex baby! What have you been doing?” Syd is just in a really good mood. She’s playful and her mood is contagious. Alex laughs again and just sort of sits on the edge of her bed. She doesn’t want to bring her friend down with her, but if she doesn’t she knows Syd will catch on anyways. Before you can say anything Syd’s jumping onto your bed and taking up as much room as humanly possible. She pokes you and asks you again.

 

“I’ve just sort of been laying here.” Of course the mood shifts automatically and Syd is now sitting up attentively. Alex Morgan does not sit still if she doesn’t have to. So duh, something’s up. “What’s up baby horse?” Syd says as she sits cross legged beside Alex. “I...don’t know what to do about Tobin.” Alex launches off into about what happened later during the night in Tokyo. She tells her about Tobin and her cross and about how they haven’t spoken about it again till earlier this night. Alex ends on a sigh wondering if she’s overreacting or maybe underreacting or maybe just being too...emotional.

 

Syd sits there for a moment taking everything in. Alex plops backwards onto the bed closing her eyes. “We all know Tobin’s really religious, Alex. She’s dating you happily now, but maybe that was a struggle to come along far enough to be comfortable dating you.” Syd pauses a second to flips over and lays on her stomach next to Alex. No doubt that Alex has thought this before. Syd continues anyways. “Maybe this is more than that. Maybe Tobin’s dealt with it on her own and is comfortable enough with herself to date you in private, but maybe she isn’t ready to face everyone else.” Alex opens her eyes and looks at Syd. “Maybe you’re right Syd, but then why did she seem so frustrated and nervous when she asked about talking to Cheney. She acted as though I’m the one who wanted to keep this hidden.”

 

Syd thinks that over slowly. “You guys just need to communicate. It sounds like things are just a mess. Maybe it is her religion, maybe she thinks that it’ll be bad for your rep. Who knows. The point is you guys haven’t really had the chance to do anything in the 6 or so months you’ve been dating. Soccer is our life. Give her a chance to explain. She’s your girlfriend. It’s Tobin, that girl only has eyes for you.” This is why Syd’s Alex’s best friend. She’s level headed and knows how to calm her down.  

 

Alex feels a lot better. She rolls over onto Syd’s back and then starts tickling Sydney. “ALEX I JUST GAVE YOU---AHAHAH---ALEX GET OFF.” Alex is relentless in her tickling and it continues till they fall asleep. Alex will talk to Tobin tomorrow. She’ll figure this out.

 


	3. Chapter 3

“Alex, I’m sorry okay? I just love you too much for any of this to affect you negatively.” Oh crap.

 

“Wait, what?” Oops.

 

The two soccer players are just staring at each other now. Alex is just surprised at the turn in conversation. That’s not at all what she expected to hear, but this entire conversation has just sort of taken her by surprise. She can see now why Tobin assumed those things and ultimately she can’t really be mad at her for it.

 

Tobin was being herself. She was being selfless and Alex feels awful for thinking that Tobin would drag her along for this long without thinking things through, obviously it’s not just Tobin’s fault. It’s both of theirs. Luckily, this conversation cleared things up before some serious miscommunications could happen.

 

“Yeah, I guess I love you.” Tobin repeats those three little words again. There’s no point in lying because Alex isn’t deaf and really...it’s the truth. “Look, babe, I don’t expect an answer back or anything, it’s only been a short time and I don’t really want to pressure you----”

 

“Pressuring me?”

 

“Yeah, like pressuring you into telling me it back if you don’t mean it. I just want honesty and you deserve it more than anything else.”

 

“You’re stupid. You’re so dumb sometimes. I spent so much time before we were dating not paying attention to how stupid you can be. You know why?” Tobin’s face is one of stone cold determination. She will not cry in front of Alex, she refuses to be that weak right now. If this is the moment that Alex breaks up with her then fine, but she’s always been strong and she’ll continue to be. “Why?” The midfielder replies in a short tone.

 

“Because I’m so fucking in love with you one hundred percent of the time that I’m blind to it. I’m blind to anything stupid or dumb that you do. I find it endearing and I can’t help but fall harder.” Alex pauses because she’s starting to yell and there’s no need for that at this time of night. “That’s been happening for months before you ever asked me out. Tobin you’re so blind to how I feel aren’t you? This isn’t some phase. It isn’t some trial I’m going to outgrow.” Alex is exhausting herself with this conversation. There’s so much emotion and passion that pours out of her when it comes to Tobin. She herself hadn’t even realized how much. Alex hasn’t taken her eyes off of Tobin’s brown ones and it’s intense and Tobin is just staring back. Speechless Alex thinks. So she continues.

 

“You’re selfless and funny. You have quirks that make me want to laugh and ones that I can’t seem to understand. You read the bible with one finger always fiddling with the top corner of the page you’re on and don’t know how to open a banana without making it mushy. You do the most childish things to make someone laugh.” This is getting deeper than Alex was expecting and she’s getting really teary eyed because this much emotion is just...overwhelming.

 

“I don’t see flaws, Tobin. I see you.” Alex finishes.

 

“Ah, you’re in love with me?” Alex literally facepalms herself and looks back up at Tobin with a laugh and a teary smile. “That’s all you catch. In that entire thing?” Tobin laughs and leans forward to pull Alex into her lap and closer to her. The older girl needs Alex so much closer.

 

“No, I got it all. I’m sorry. I’m terrible with these sorts of things. I just wanted you to be okay. I know now that there’s two of us in this for a reason.” Tobin says as she hugs Alex’s body to her own. Alex rests her head in the crook of Tobin’s neck. She kisses her there softly.

 

“So, you want to be public. About all of this?” Tobin says after a few moments of silence. She’s got the jist of what Alex has said and so she thinks this is the natural progression of the things, but it’s better to ask.

 

Alex lifts her head up from where it lays on Tobin “Yeah, I do. Is that okay?” The striker just wants them to start communicating better and tonight has been progressive in that so she’s glad.

 

“Yeah, but is it okay if we wait a bit?” Tobin replies slowly. She gauges Alex’s reaction. She sees the slight furrow of eyebrows and a small frown appearing on her girlfriend’s lips. Tobin goes on as to clear any confusion. “I want to take you home after all of this...the olympics and the interviews and stuff. I want to take you home to my family and introduce you and let them get comfortable with all of this before we let the world know. They’re all I’ve ever had and now you’re all I’ve ever wanted. I just need to merge the two.”

 

Alex nods her head and she’s just overwhelmed still. It’s like 2:15 am and she’s wide awake and finding out her girlfriend loves her and it’s just so much to handle. “Yeah, yeah. Let’s do that. You can meet mine after too, if you want.” She’s sort of just mumbling it out because the whole ‘you’re all I’ve ever wanted’ is still resonating in her head. She feels light.

 

\----------------------------------

The Canada game rears it’s ugly, nerve-wracking, exciting, wonderful head. Then the Japan game does the same. Both games are screams and commands and hope and frustration, but in the end it’s the unity that the team holds above all else that pulls them through. Alex tells reporters constantly that the belief that each player holds in the rest of the team is what carries them through every minute of every game. That shines through more than ever in those last two games.

 

When the USWNT wins the gold and redemption is earned there’s literally no word in the world to explain how the players feel, but Tobin goes straight to Alex and holds her because they might not be coherent enough to speak, but Tobin knows she wouldn’t ever spend this moment with anyone else.

 

By the time they’re all lined up and have the gold medals on their necks and they’re listening to the us anthem they’re all full of bright wide smiles. Cheney still blinds everyone with her overly shiny teeth.

 

Once they arrive at the after party they’ve all calmed down just a bit, enough to speak properly anyways. O’hara’s screaming and Abby’s drunk and Syd is basically just dancing nonstop. They’re having the night of their lives. Tobin’s family wasn’t able to make it to London, but Alex’s family did and Tobin guesses this is when she get’s to meet Alex’s family.

 

“You did it baby girl! Your dream!” Alex’s dad (Mr.Morgan) says to Alex nearly in tears. Alex’s mom has already started bawling and she’s this mess of tears and smiles and giggles so Mr.Morgan’s just holding her tight to him and looking at his baby girl like she was born yesterday. So Tobin’s properly terrified because they’re all happy and she can tell how protective and proud that man is of his daughter, but Alex has her mind set and she’s so happy and why the hell would they hide their affection in front of their teammates who are also considered family.

 

“I know daddy! Ah, stop crying mom!” Alex shouts out to her parents. The music’s a bit loud. “Alex, we should move to a quieter area!” Tobin yells into Alex’s ear. Alex nods and leads the way to the back area where a few of the older girls sit with their families.

 

“Daddy, you know Tobin right?”

 

“Of course! Tobs! The future of women’s soccer!” Alex’s dad is warm and he’s happy, but Tobin sort of thinks he’s a bit tipsy. Alex smiles at the recognition and continues while reaching over to grab Tobin’s hand.

 

“We’re dating.”

 

Alex’s dad sort of looks at his wife and then at the two of them. His gaze then shifts towards their hands and back to each of their faces and then back to his wife.

 

Then he shrugs. The man shrugs! He shrugs! Tobin’s unsure what the hell that shrug means and whether or not it’s good or bad, but her girlfriend’s squeezing her hand and she turns to look at the giddy looking striker.

 

“Welcome to the Morgan fam! Hope you’re ready for insanity!” Alex’s mom is the one to say those words and then Tobin’s being engulfed in a Morgan family hug and Alex is pulling her out of it and holding her from behind. The strikers arms are wrapped around Tobin’s torso and her chin is resting on Tobin’s shoulder.

 

Tobin’s usually the one to do this sort of thing, but she can’t stop herself from thinking she really likes being held by Alex like this. Or rather she likes being possessed by Alex like this.

 

\----------------------------------

 

The next morning around 10am Alex falls off the bed. She groggily rubs her eyes and check her surroundings. She’s in her own room, check. Clothes on, check. She leans up to look at the top of the bed. Tobin’s hogging the sheets, check. Cool, she thinks. Everything’s normal.

 

The striker lifts herself back up and onto the bed tugging the blankets away from Tobin and slips herself into the arms of her girlfriend. Tobin’s arms open up a little bit so Alex is aware that she’s at least half awake and Alex scoots herself even closer to the older girl. Her head rests a little lower than Tobin’s and they’re sharing a pillow.

 

“Baby?”

 

“Mmphh?” Tobin sort of just mumbles out. She knows it’s probably way too early to be up since they didn’t even fall into bed until 6am.

 

“We came out to my family last night.” Tobin automatically smiles wide. Her eyes are still closed, but she can just hear the happiness in Alex’s voice. Alex recognizes that Tobin’s smiling and is just overjoyed by that thought alone. Tobin shifts a little and rests her hand on the side of Alex’s face. She cups it gently and lifts Alex’s head slightly to kiss the strikers forehead.

 

“Mhm, shleep now.” Tobin’s perfectly content in that moment.


End file.
